you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
