I'm gonna have a badass scar
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Randomize
