No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
