Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
