This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
