Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Can I color on your dick again?
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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