Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
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