Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
