Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
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