i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize