If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
