I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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