I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Do vagina's smell?
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Randomize
