We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
