if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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