Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
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