let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Randomize
