I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I could fuck to npr.
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