oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
