I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
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