I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize