If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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