I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Randomize
