i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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