Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
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