u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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