I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
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