onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize