I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Randomize
