We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
