we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
