You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
