His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Can I color on your dick again?
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Randomize
