I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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