I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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