You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Shame - the story of my life.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
