This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
