Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
