there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
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