Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
