please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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