Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
