Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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