dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize