So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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