well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
May the power of my ass compel you!!
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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