Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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