So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Randomize
