the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
