So drunk its hurt
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Randomize
