His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
