i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
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