I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Found the puke drawer
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize