Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
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