Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
