my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
