So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I smell stomach acid.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Randomize