Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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