Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Randomize
