We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
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