If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
