bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Randomize
