He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
My ass is underappreciated
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
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