Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
