dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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