They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize