I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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