Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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