I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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