3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize
