It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
