very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
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