we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
