i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Randomize
