i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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