we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
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