My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
