I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
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