What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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