So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
