i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize