You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize