I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Actions speak louder than pants.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
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