I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
