I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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