I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
