He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
