I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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