last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
is wine microwaveable?
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
