im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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