I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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