I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
