I could make wine with my vomit
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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