oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Randomize
