mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
