Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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