i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
