that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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